Black and White

In the words of 'Reliant k', i state:
"I’ve given up on giving up slowly, I’m blending in so
You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption because I know to live you must give your life away
And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape "

its funny that sometimes im able to find lyrics which i can relate to ! maybe its because this age im in.. maybe all that confusion i got going on it normal and it just happens.. but then something so splitting cant be natural.. anyways i suppose what made the song writer feel the way he did when he wrote the song is most likely different from whats gone on with me..
I have a weird natural instinct ... and that is to LOOK for trouble.. actually wait and search for trouble.. its almost funny the way i navigate through all the green patches of platonic happy rose hedges to actually force my way into poison ivy... maybe its my way of taking part in my own brand of X-Games.. the kind not sponsered by ESPN .. but rather by some show like " jerry springer" but a little less weirder than that and certainly more weirder than whats on oprah, who i believe is a feminist and after today`s show feat. serena and venus williams i believe shes a liar aswell.. i wonder how she got a talk show host job in the first place , not to say that she doesnt do a pretty good job, but i thought at one point in her life shes used to shop lift.. so how does some that poor (not to mention her color and appearance as in reality shes a triple minority..- woman,black and ugly.. ) but anyways.. not to stray from the discussion in hand.. my uncanny knack of getting in trouble...
So far what i`v concluded from my constant brainstorming, which has wrecked the sane stable ship in my head, is that it is my ignorance and my disbelief that lands me in such situations.. i have to confess im a weak man.. and a somewhat control freak. I know we cant control much in our life.. but i belive i can exert atleast some sort of control on life.. which these days is best described as 'skiddish' .. i believe i can control by body somewhat as i always dare to push it to the boundries.. given my shape it was a wonder , even to myself that i got into the athletics team back in college.. i know there are people who would have more stamina than me but i believe in self in that part..where others i guess dont [ hypocricy creeping up , `eh ? =) ] i try and exert control also on some parts of my future , which i know i cant , but its a good run anyways.. i`v gone off a bit from my initial trail of thught mainly due to the fact that my cousin is harrassing me to tell him about his ex , in whom i bumped into today.. thats a good tale in its own respect.. *another hold up.. the simpsons is on.. :D
Black and white - the title for this unconventional divulsion of my brainworks has a reason. I have gotten into a situation , which is the root of all this (evil?) blogness, in which both my options are as contrasting as the colors black and white.. and this is not just in a deep symbolic way...

bah ! ode to dastiism.. bring on more food and soccer...

[ ! ] & [ ? ]

"i close my eyes to see.. and i know.. your a part of me.. and its your song..... that sets me free
i sing it while.. i feel i cant hold on... and i sing tonight... coz it comforts me .. "

"a street light shinin.. a wide light blindin bright.. burnin off and on.."

"look me up a new revolution..coz this one is lie.. .. im lookin to the sky to save me.. lookin for a sign of life.. lookin for somethin` to help me burn out bright..im lookin for a complication..lookin coz im tired of tryin.. to make my way back home.. and learn to fly.."

"i am a lil bit'a lonliness..a lil bit'a disregard..a handful of complaints..but i cant help the fact that everyone can see these scars.. "

" almost fell into that hole in your life..i saw the world spin beneath you..and scatter like ice from the spoon.."

" you say ..go slow... i fall behind.. .. the drum beats out of time.."

"life.. .. its not hard to fall.. when you float like a cannon ball.."

" will you stay with me.. will you be my love ..among the fields of barley... you can tell the sun..in his jealous sky.. we walked in fields of gold.."

" mujhay tera naam tu bata... phir kaisay pukaray tujhay.. kaisay pukaray... akele hum nadiya kinare.."

" mere nazarain tu gilla karteen hain.. .. teray dill ko..aye sanam tujhse.. bhee shikayat hoo gee.."

" look at the stars.. look how they shine for you...and all the things that you do.."

" i lost myself.. in my search to find.. something else ... to hide behind.."

"i tried to make my way to you.. but still i feel so lost.. i dont know what else i can do.."

" my pain ..is self-chosen.. atleast..i believe it to be.. .. i could either burn..or cut off my pride and buy some time.."

"she thinks that happiness is a mat that sits on her doorway.. but outside..it starts rainin.."

"and not to pull your halo down..around your neck..and tug you off your cloud.."

"feed my will to feel this moment..urging me to cross the line.. "

" in the garden..i was playin guitar...i kissed your lips..and broke your heart.. you.. you were acting like it was the end of the world.."