Random Scars - 1
Sitting on a rock in contracting sunlight. What is he thinking ? He's staring at that tiny insect and among a million other thoughts wonders how long it took the bug to crawl up the huge rock.
Its just contemplation. Its just that time in the series of events and moments when a piece has to be fitted in the jigsaw of self discovery. Sometimes its hard to realise what all has gone by and why, because of our involvement in all the intricacies we miss the point. In order to see the point we have to get out of our own thoughts for a moment and take on the objective view. We need to look at ourselves, our relationships, our thoughts, our journey and our place as a speck in the world.
The sun has decided. Its time to go home. "your a control freak", he says to the sun and grudgingly climbs down the rock. The wind blows his hair in front of his eyes and the sun responds by clipping on its veil of clouds. He almost slips. "nice try".
There's music playing in the cave midway. There’s been a heartbreak. The ghost dances to that same song. The boy had heard it once before. He has an impulse to join in. He wishes he had a way to relieve his blues by just a dance but he would have to die first. The song stops and the ghost fades. The song was sweet and the dance was pure, he's tempted but he cant sin. The rocky floor is scared, for the jagged marks stick out in the receding light. The rocks have felt the music more than once. The cave is worth a look as it doesn’t appear to get any darker the deeper it gets, the light shows respect to it in uniformity.
He doesn't bother to check the time; he's past that. He's not scared to walk into the unexpected and the unexplored; he's past that. Sometimes when you've been hit bad with a dose of unexpected reality you realise that time and emotion are trivial in the bigger picture, they dont matter unless you want them to. He's realised this. Another cliché, another heartbreak.
We've all been created together in this world; living and non-living things, darkness and light, souls and ghosts. Existence should be able to overlap without consequence and conscience. So why care about fear of the unexpected and the conjunction of time with its experience? he knows this now. He is only governed by the impulse of his wonder.
Why have there been more dances in this cave? what is this place? why am i drawn to it?. He feels all his questions will be answered once he enters the cave. He's suppressed his memories so deep and so much that for random moments in time, he stops thinking altogether.
'I should have been born in simpler times', as soon as he thinks this he notices a shadow on the walls. Its not a shadow but paintings depicting a hunted animal being offered to a woman by a man then the two figures are drawn as one, apparently showing union. His pupils shrink and the boy phases out; a suppressed memory has been triggered.
'An offering... how typical! how can we look down upon materialism when its part of our root human nature? Nothings for free, you have to offer to receive!'. A random scar; revealed as he grits his teeth.
'I want the car keys on the table when i get out of the shower !', 'Yes sir', 'Where'r the keys??', 'The driver has gone to drop something off at your grandmother's place in the car', 'BUT I TOLD YOU GET THE KEYS 20 MINS AGO !', 'Sorry sir'- -* its getting late, she must be waiting* -- 'Which car is outside right now?', 'the old one sir, but its leaking water inside, the driver has to go get it fixed' -- *buzz* "hello?, yea im on my way..yea.. i`ll call when i get there" -- 'get me the keys'.
'Hi, im there', 'Turn left and you`ll see me standing outside', 'yea i see you', ' is that you in the white car?', 'yea', 'oh... okay', -- *pleasantries & awkward silence as her shoes get wet in the leaking water from the a.c which isnt working and its the middle of june* -- *shes never going to see me again after this*-- 'did you even shave?', 'erm no,i shaved yesterday' -- *Shaved that day, not my fault my stuble shows*-- 'this was great! thank you', 'urm yea im sorry it just didnt turn out the way i wanted it to', 'oh! dont worry it was all good!', 'sorry about your shoes', 'Goodbye then ! see you soon', 'yea, bubye... see you soon' -- *driving home thinking of what excuse to use to end it with her, but before something pops up she calls* -- 'hello! yea i was just going to call you..', ' umm, i dont think this will work out..', ' yea i understand..take care.. bubye' -- *so much for being myself, will i now be complexed with what i drive and what i wear to avoid a situation like this? ... am i good enough? will i ever be? *.
He snaps out of the trance, there's life in his eyes yet. He tried living the materialistically conscience life for a bit, but it wasn't worth it. There's moss stuck to his hands from touching the wall. 'Who needs to buy expensive faded and dirty lookin jeans', he thinks as he wipes his fingers with his jeans resulting in a cool looking smear. A sniffy half smile; 'materialism - zero, me - one'. An insignificant triumph, another few steps and another random scar.
posted by Murtaza @ 2:16 PM
3 comments
